Walking into St. John of the Cross Parish office to deliver their marriage certificate this week, newly wedded Jack and Helen Trumble confirmed that Deacon Donald Mathers has, for some reason, an assistant.
“We were actually shocked when we learned he had a desk of his own,” said Jack Trumble. “But then we noticed he, God only knows why, actually had an office too…with his name on the door. We thought that was kinda weird seeing as how he’s, you know, a deacon. No offence or anything…I mean, I know it’s an important role and everything, but an office?”
“And that wasn’t all,” Helen Trumble continued in place of her baffled husband. “The man actually has an assistant. I mean, am I missing something here? He works fulltime as a checkout clerk at the grocery store down the street. And here he has an assistant? It’s like he has this alternate universe thing going on.”
At press time, the Mathers’ have overheard his assistant tell another visitor that the Deacon was booked for the day, but that the parish priest was free to speak with her.