In what researchers are calling a spiritual defect, a new study published Tuesday by the Vatican confirmed that of all the types of candy one can enjoy, Candy Corn is “by far the worst and most sinful to enjoy.”
“Despite all the amazing candies on the market, research has found that Candy Corn is as deceptive as the devil, because it is of the devil,” said researcher Candice Mckenzie. ” It does not taste like candy, and it does not look like, smell like, or even taste like corn. People who hand out Candy Corn for Halloween are committing mortal sin, in that they are lying to children, and making them use precious bag space to hold the ‘abomination’ of a so-called candy.”
Mckenzie went on to say that according to their findings, there are a number of other types of candy one could easily hand out on Halloween “without proving to the neighborhood what an awful, bitter, sad, and soulless person you truly are.”
“Peanut Butter Cups, Snickers, Kit Kat, Skittles, but not the orange ones, Butterfinger, Nerd’s, M&M’s, Hershey Bars, anything…a bag of rocks for goodness sake, anything but Candy Corn.”
At press time, the Vatican has confirmed that even handing out a tooth brush and tooth paste would make a child happier than Candy Corn.